PART V - THE MAJOR ISSUES

Work/Career

Work is good, work is necessary, and most marriages need at least one spouse to work to pay the bills. Work in today’s world can be very demanding and stressful (sometimes unnecessarily so - see below), but when  marriage provides a safe haven where love and support thrive, the person who has to go out in the world can struggle better because they know they are not alone, and work is seen in the proper perspective.

However, in Western Society, especially in the U.S., many people have come to identify their self-worth with work, and the power, prestige, and material acquisitions it may produce. The not-so-subtle message from our culture is that those who work long hours and achieve material success are somehow better people and happier than those who don’t.  Women in particular have been given the message that if they don’t have a career outside the home, they are not fulfilling their potential and having life to the fullest.

Many people swallow this message (see sound practical judgment) hook, line, and sinker.  These people allow others to determine their values.  They spend their lives chasing “success”, often being miserable in the process. They think that when they achieve “success” they will be happy. They forget that life is lived in the present, and tomorrow may never come.  If they do achieve “success” they are often disappointed.  What they saw as having great worth is often shallow, empty, and fleeting.

Many of these people neglect their spouses and families, and they neglect themselves. They waste their lives and blame others, often spouses, for their unhappiness.  Their lives are out of balance, and their marriages suffer.

Before we are accused of being anti-capitalists, we want to make it clear that it is good to have ambition and goals, and there is nothing wrong with hard work and success. We only want to point out that too many people succumb to pressures not of their own making.  Life is tradeoffs, and we all have more options than we think we do.  People need to decide for themselves what they want out of life, and couples need to do the same for their marriage (see Money).