PART II - YOU

What do You Want Out of Marriage?

(Write your own answer before continuing)

On the previous page “What Do You Want Out of Life” we made the case that real happiness and satisfaction in life comes from family, friends, love, and helping others. With marriage we can get more specific. As before, you should ask not only what you want but why you want it.  When you ask why you want something, it puts the want in perspective.

More often than not in today’s world, the answer given to the topic question is “I want my mate to be sexy, intelligent, exciting, ambitious, and funny.  They will love me, and take care of my needs.”

While there is nothing wrong with that answer, it is incomplete. If the above, or something close to it, is your answer, ask yourself why you want it.  If you are honest with yourself, you should realize that the above answer is selfish. It addresses only your wants and needs and not that of your partner.

Many people confuse love with feelings and sex, and see marriage as taking possession of another person for their own happiness. A successful marriage is more likely to occur when the attitude (of both spouses!) is:

1. I want to love my spouse;
    
2. I want to share my life with him/her;
    
3. I want to make him/her happy;
    
4. I want us to grow in intimacy, trust, respect, understanding, and kindness for each other;
    
5. I want each of us to grow as a person in courage, perseverance, wisdom, integrity, prudence, justice, humility, forgiveness, and discipline as we face life’s challenges together;
    
6. I want us to be focused on our marriage and family, first and foremost, with everything else secondary; and
    
7. I want us both to grow spiritually and get closer to God.

If you do not believe in God, or have simply abandoned your religion, you might object to item 7.  One thing to consider in your quest to improve your marriage is that your problems might exist precisely because you and/or your spouse have rejected or abandoned the spiritual part of life, and have elected instead to see the world from only the materialistic and selfish perspective.