PART II - YOU

The Outside Influencers

From the time we are small children till the day we die, we are constantly bombarded with words and images that attempt to influence our thoughts and behavior. Some of these “influencers” are good and positive, and will help us to grow and find happiness.  Others are the product of those who would seek to control us for their own ends. Some do both.  Understanding these influencers and selectively accepting or rejecting their messages is a critical challenge.

What has this got to do with Marriage? Learning to properly deal with the influencers in our lives is a major step to maturity.  Becoming truly mature enables a person to appreciate what is important in life, and to become a better spouse, and a happier human being.

Influencers use many means, some overt and some subtle, to communicate with each of us. In order to successfully deal with the influencers in one’s life, a person needs to apply sound practical judgment to these communications.

Sound practical judgment comes from asking ourselves questions regarding communications from influencers, and applying logic to the answers. The list of questions should include:

1. What is the real message?
    
2. What is motivating the influencer to send this message?
    
3. Does this message make sense in light of my life experiences?
    
4. What fruits (good or bad) of this message can I observe in the world?
    
5. Is this message consistent with, or at odds with the messages of influencers I trust?
    
6. If I accept this message, will it help or harm me and/or the ones I love?

For example, cigarette advertising was designed to send the message that smoking was pleasurable, hip, and sexy. However, if you applied the above process to the advertising message, you might come up with answers similar to the following:

1. What is the real message? - The message is that you should smoke if you want to be cool and enjoy life to the fullest,
    
2. What is motivating the influencer to send this message? - The cigarette companies want your money,
    
3. Does this message make sense in light of my life experiences? - Smoking is dirty, smelly, expensive, and done more by the uneducated and poorer members of society,
    
4. What fruits (good or bad) of this message can I observe in the world? - Smoking dulls the taste buds, causes cancer and other lung diseases, and is addictive,
    
5. Is this message consistent with, or at odds with the messages of influencers I trust? - Doctors, medical researchers, and the government are almost unanimous in their message that smoking is very bad for one’s health,
    
6. If I accept this message, will it help or harm me and/or the ones I love? - I will not smoke because smoking could ruin my health.

You should apply this approach to all communications you receive, including what you read on this site!