PART IV - THE KEYS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

Personal Development

What is maturity?  What is wisdom? Where do they come from? What do they have to do with marriage?

(Write your answers before continuing)

Contrary to what many believe, maturity and wisdom are not automatic with age, nor does one have to be old to possess them. They are the product of experience, learning from others (parents, teachers, the Bible, etc.), and applying sound practical judgment to those experiences and lessons. The final ingredient is discipline, because without the discipline to do what is right, knowledge is meaningless.

Clearly some young people are mature and wise, and some older people are neither.  The people who make an effort to seek maturity and wisdom tend to find it, and live happier, more fulfilled lives.  The rest, who prefer to go through life focused on material gain, personal pleasure, and/or the avoidance of pain, usually find themselves in constant conflict, because other people become either tools or adversaries in their selfish world-view.

In today’s materialistic world, it is common for people to compare themselves and their situations with others. For example:

1. Joe’s wife is prettier and has bigger breasts than my wife,
    
2. Jim makes a lot more money than my husband; he and Mary have a nicer house and car; and they take more exciting vacations than we do,
    
3. Bob plays softball three times a week and I only get to play once,
    
4. Joan’s husband is the life of the party, and my husband is boring,
    
5. etc.

It is human nature to want the best of everything, and our self-image and confidence can be tied-into money, power, prestige, and appearance.  The examples above can create resentment, if we let them, and this resentment is often focused on our spouse.  The mature and wise person has learned that:

1. There is much about life that we can’t control,
    
2. Life is not fair, and we need to be grateful for what we have, not whine about what we don’t have,
    
3. Things are not always what they seem to be: that wealthy, sexy couple across the street may be miserable,
    
4. Love is service, and true happiness comes from loving others and being loved in return, the rest is window-dressing,
    
5. and many other truths too numerous to mention here.

As you become wiser, more mature, more unselfish, and learn to communicate better, you will become a better person and a better spouse.  As you do, it is likely that your mate will also. With the two of you moving in the same direction, there is no limit to how wonderful your marriage can be!