PART V - THE MAJOR ISSUES

Grudges

A grudge is a strange thing because it normally hurts the person who has the grudge far more than the person it is directed against.

The person holding the grudge is upset over some real or imagined hurt or slight and won’t let it go. It eats away at their insides and sours their disposition. They want the world to know they’ve been hurt and want sympathy and support. Often they want some sort of revenge. Frequently they demand that family members and friends agree with them which can lead to more disappointments and additional grudges.

The person the grudge is directed against may or may not be guilty of a real injury. They may or may not be sorry.  If they care about the grudge-holder, there may be some sadness at the damaged relationship, but the grudge-holder’s behavior normally creates frustration with, or indifference toward the grudge-holder. If they don’t care for the grudge-holder, they may even enjoy seeing the grudge-holder stew in their own juices.

People are not perfect, and some will probably hurt or disappoint you occasionally. If someone has hurt you and truly seeks forgiveness, forgive them quickly and restore your relationship. 

If someone hurts you and does not ask forgiveness, forgive them in your heart anyway, feel sorry for them, and get on with life.  Forgiveness in this situation does not mean that you forget the injury, but you will have peace. You can then make calm and rational decisions on what actions you should take, and how your relationship, if any, will change going forward.

Grudges between husband and wife are extremely destructive to the marriage, and a spouse who harbors grudges towards others also harms their marriage by being difficult to live with.  If you or your spouse has a grudge and can’t let it go, professional counseling may be required.