PART I - THE BASICS

Why Divorce is NOT the Answer

When there are problems in a marriage, one or both spouses invariably blame the other person. They may feel that they no longer or never did love their spouse, and/or the marriage is more trouble than it’s worth.  Often the belief is that one’s problems will go away, if the marriage is dissolved.

Unfortunately, except in rare cases, divorce brings more problems than it solves:

1. Both spouses, and any children, are damaged psychologically (to varying degrees - sometimes immensely),
    
2. Extended family relationships are broken,
    
3. There is usually a huge financial impact on both the husband and wife, especially if children are involved, and
    
4. The root causes of the breakup are not addressed, and the probability of similar behavior leading to additional broken relationships is very high.

Many people think, however, that they will be the exception and things will be better for them.  They mistakenly feel that the single life or another person will bring them the happiness they seek. Unfortunately, this is hardly ever the case, since most divorce is ultimately based on selfishness and immaturity. 

Rarely, in some cases of mental illness for example, there is no way, despite best efforts, to save the marriage. When this happens, there really is no marriage, and divorce may be appropriate. However, even in this situation, it should be a last resort after all avenues, especially professional counseling, have been explored, because problems 1-3 mentioned above still apply.

Divorce is especially damaging to any children involved. Some parents argue that their children will be better off in a divorce because they will not have to endure the pain of hearing their parents arguing anymore. This is equivalent to saying that because I get frequent headaches, I should chop my head off. 

Other parents believe their children will be unaffected or “will be fine” in a divorce. They are kidding themselves. Even when things aren’t perfect, parents are a child’s security and greatest loves.  Divorce is devastating to children. The children may appear to be okay on the surface but children of divorce:

1. Invariably blame themselves, no matter what their parents say to them,
    
2. Suffer from the financial hardships their parents experience,
    
3. Are greatly confused and stressed by the changes in their lives, and
    
4. Are prime candidates for divorce themselves because of the example set by their parents.

Because divorce has lost its social stigma, many see it as a solution, but in fact for most, they are running away from their problems and exchanging them for new, often worse ones.