PART V - THE MAJOR ISSUES

Conflict

Conflict is inevitable in every marriage.  The issues can be trivial to major, but the important thing is how the conflict is handled. While applying the rules of good communication found in Part IV, you should:

1. Talk less, and listen more.
    
2. Separate the problem from the person. 
    
3. Make an effort to see the problem from your spouse’s point of view.
    
4. Stay calm, even if your partner yells at you. 
    
5. Never bring up the past. Deal with the issue at hand only.
    
6. Admit your mistakes, and if appropriate, ask for forgiveness.
    
7. Resolve problems as quickly as possible. Do not let them fester.

Remember, you are dealing with your life partner and not an adversary. Your objective should be to communicate and influence, not hurt.

Couples can have strong conflicts when their life experiences have brought them to different conclusions.  Often, when counselors explore a “gridlock”-like conflict in a couple, they find that each partner has pain from a life experience which influences their stubbornness.

Although there are conflicts which cannot be completely resolved, partners can be more open and loving when they understand what underlies their mate’s seeming irrationality.

If your arguments are not being resolved in a way that satisfies both you and your spouse, you may need professional counseling.